Good relationship break up advice is surprisingly hard to come by. The reason this is surprising is because break ups are something that almost everyone goes through at some point. Now granted, some people do find their sweetheart in elementary school, marry them as teens and then live on happily together well into their old age.
These are not people to get good relationship break up advice from. Not that people whose longest relationship could be measured on a wristwatch are good advisors either. But even aside from these two extremes, the average person is not a good person to get relationship break up advice from.
The reason for this is that most don't really have a clue why their relationships ended or what to do about it. This isn't their fault, either. The truth is, most break ups are simply too painful to allow people to get the right kind of perspective they need. The hurt feeling and broken hearts make it too hard to see the lessons that are there to see.
The best relationship break up advice is the advice that stops a break up dead in its tracks, or at least helps you get your ex back. Honestly, you don't need much advice if you don't want to get them back, unless you're trying to find advice on how to burn their clothes or what kind of key works best on car paint.
But if you need good relationship break up advice, the kind that gets you back with your ex, then you're reading the right article. You may not believe that you can get your ex back, but it is possible, even if it isn't exactly easy. You will need to do some work to get back together, but it can be done.
The first step is to get some distance from the relationship. Basically, you need to get away from your ex's memory and their presence. This may seem like strange relationship break up advice when you're trying to get someone back, but it's a necessary step. You need to be able to stand back from the relationship and look at it without your emotions getting in the way, which is crucial to the next step.
The next step, in this case, being to figure out why the relationship fell apart to begin with. You can't do this if you're still broken up over it. This isn't an invitation to assign blame; you just need to be able to figure out what the problem is so you can work around it.
Once you've done both of these, it's time to start getting back into the relationship. Ask your ex to go to coffee or some other non-threatening kind of activity. Do not talk about your relationship unless they bring it up. What you're trying to do is rebuild, and you're going to need to take it slow.
After this, the best relationship break up advice you get is to treat the new relationship with your as a new relationship. You need to treat this as something brand new, not just an extension of the old relationship. If you need more relationship break up advice, there are several excellent resources available on the web, you just need to be willing to take that step to save your relationship.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Define The Relationship To Save Your Relationship
If you want to have a healthy relationship, you need to define the relationship. One of the biggest reasons that relationships have problems is because both people in the relationship have different expectations and assumptions about what kind of relationship they're in.
Frankly, if you think you're on the road to marriage and happily ever after and your boyfriend or girlfriend thinks that's what you have is a nice light fling, you are going to have problems. Hurt emotions, broken hearts and generally misery tend to lie in the future for people who fail to define the relationship they're in.
The problem is that everyone, and I mean everyone, tends to think of everything they do as normal. This is a problem because there is no such thing as normal. Every person is a unique bundle of needs, fears, and desires. The strengths and weaknesses that make us who we are make the need to define the relationship essential.
Whether we realize it or not, we are all using ourselves as the baseline for behavior. This means that on some very essential levels, we assume that other people want what we want, feel what we feel. Most of us are aware that this isn't the case on a conscious level, but it's hard to put this into action all the time.
As long as things seem to be going okay, we have a tendency to let this go on more and more. After all, when they seem happy and you seem happy, there's no reason to examine your assumptions and expectations. Most of us only do that when things have gone wrong in a relationship.
This why the need to define the relationship early on is so great. Because other people are, well, other people. They may be happy in the relationship, but they may be happy for different reasons. If you let this go too far, you may be setting yourself up for resentment and pain.
By taking the time to define the relationship, you are taking the reins in the relationship. You will be able to see where you are and where you are heading. This will allow you to have a healthier, stronger relationship because you will both be pulling in the same direction rather than going off in two different emotional directions until the strain on the relationship is so great that it breaks.
The problem with taking action to define the relationship is that it's not the comfortable path to take. The conversations can be awkward, and there's always an element of fear that the two of you will have such radically different expectations and goals that the relationship may end.
These are false worries, for the most part. You need to look at the effort to define the relationship as being exercise for your relationship: it may be tough and the time and there's a small chance that you may get injured, but the truth is that it will almost always make the relationship better and stronger.
If you need help in figuring out what you need to do to define the relationship, there is loads of help available. This is one of the best things you can do to build a strong relationship, and it is well worth the effort.
Please visit now: http://hunterlove.net/
Frankly, if you think you're on the road to marriage and happily ever after and your boyfriend or girlfriend thinks that's what you have is a nice light fling, you are going to have problems. Hurt emotions, broken hearts and generally misery tend to lie in the future for people who fail to define the relationship they're in.
The problem is that everyone, and I mean everyone, tends to think of everything they do as normal. This is a problem because there is no such thing as normal. Every person is a unique bundle of needs, fears, and desires. The strengths and weaknesses that make us who we are make the need to define the relationship essential.
Whether we realize it or not, we are all using ourselves as the baseline for behavior. This means that on some very essential levels, we assume that other people want what we want, feel what we feel. Most of us are aware that this isn't the case on a conscious level, but it's hard to put this into action all the time.
As long as things seem to be going okay, we have a tendency to let this go on more and more. After all, when they seem happy and you seem happy, there's no reason to examine your assumptions and expectations. Most of us only do that when things have gone wrong in a relationship.
This why the need to define the relationship early on is so great. Because other people are, well, other people. They may be happy in the relationship, but they may be happy for different reasons. If you let this go too far, you may be setting yourself up for resentment and pain.
By taking the time to define the relationship, you are taking the reins in the relationship. You will be able to see where you are and where you are heading. This will allow you to have a healthier, stronger relationship because you will both be pulling in the same direction rather than going off in two different emotional directions until the strain on the relationship is so great that it breaks.
The problem with taking action to define the relationship is that it's not the comfortable path to take. The conversations can be awkward, and there's always an element of fear that the two of you will have such radically different expectations and goals that the relationship may end.
These are false worries, for the most part. You need to look at the effort to define the relationship as being exercise for your relationship: it may be tough and the time and there's a small chance that you may get injured, but the truth is that it will almost always make the relationship better and stronger.
If you need help in figuring out what you need to do to define the relationship, there is loads of help available. This is one of the best things you can do to build a strong relationship, and it is well worth the effort.
Please visit now: http://hunterlove.net/
Monday, April 18, 2011
4 Steps To Stop Your Divorce And Save Your Marriage
The thing you need to know is that it is not too late to stop your divorce. The break up of marriage is one of the worst things that can happen to a person, and it is all too common. More than half of all marriages today will end in divorce. When you consider that divorce is commonly regarded as one of the most stressful events that can happen in a person's life, even beyond the death of a dead one, this is a lot of heartache out there in the world.
The tragedy is that most of these breakups could have been prevented. You do not have to be a statistic. You can do something about it; you can stop your divorce. I won't say that it is going to be easy, but it is possible. You just have to follow the steps to rebuild what has been broken.
You can't expect to stop your divorce without a plan anymore than you can expect to build a house without blueprints. Fortunately, the help is available and it behooves you to take advantage of it. Your marriage does not have to fail. You can do something.
Step One: Find the Problem
You can't stop your divorce if you don't know why your marriage is falling apart. You need to work with your spouse to diagnose what is wrong with the marriage. This is a little harder than it sounds, because what you think might be the reason for the divorce is just a symptom.
Step Two: Fix the Problem
In many ways, this is the most important step. If you can't fix the problem, then you can't stop your divorce. Some problems can't be fixed, but most can. The reason most marriage ending problems don't get solved is that they are never identified. But you've already done that in step one. What you need to do know is work with your spouse to make the compromises that will save your marriage.
Step Three: Remember the Good Times
You're going to need to remind both your spouse and yourself why you were together to begin with. No matter how bad your marriage has gotten, there was a point when things were good. You should try to get back to that place, but you should always keep in mind that it existed.
Step Four: Start Over
The last step in your quest to stop your divorce is to begin again. You need to look at your marriage as a brand new marriage. While you should keep in mind the good times, you need to forget the bad times and learn about your spouse all over again. Things have changed, and you need to make your marriage work with the person you are married to, not the person you used to be married to or the person you wish they were. Accept them as they are, and work together to build a better, stronger marriage.
If you follow these four steps, you will be able to stop your divorce. If you need more help, then don't be afraid to look for it. There are systems out there to help fix what is broken in your relationship, and you need to be willing to use them.
The tragedy is that most of these breakups could have been prevented. You do not have to be a statistic. You can do something about it; you can stop your divorce. I won't say that it is going to be easy, but it is possible. You just have to follow the steps to rebuild what has been broken.
You can't expect to stop your divorce without a plan anymore than you can expect to build a house without blueprints. Fortunately, the help is available and it behooves you to take advantage of it. Your marriage does not have to fail. You can do something.
Step One: Find the Problem
You can't stop your divorce if you don't know why your marriage is falling apart. You need to work with your spouse to diagnose what is wrong with the marriage. This is a little harder than it sounds, because what you think might be the reason for the divorce is just a symptom.
Step Two: Fix the Problem
In many ways, this is the most important step. If you can't fix the problem, then you can't stop your divorce. Some problems can't be fixed, but most can. The reason most marriage ending problems don't get solved is that they are never identified. But you've already done that in step one. What you need to do know is work with your spouse to make the compromises that will save your marriage.
Step Three: Remember the Good Times
You're going to need to remind both your spouse and yourself why you were together to begin with. No matter how bad your marriage has gotten, there was a point when things were good. You should try to get back to that place, but you should always keep in mind that it existed.
Step Four: Start Over
The last step in your quest to stop your divorce is to begin again. You need to look at your marriage as a brand new marriage. While you should keep in mind the good times, you need to forget the bad times and learn about your spouse all over again. Things have changed, and you need to make your marriage work with the person you are married to, not the person you used to be married to or the person you wish they were. Accept them as they are, and work together to build a better, stronger marriage.
If you follow these four steps, you will be able to stop your divorce. If you need more help, then don't be afraid to look for it. There are systems out there to help fix what is broken in your relationship, and you need to be willing to use them.
Thursday, April 07, 2011
Winning Back The Ex: Don't Do This!
Here are some things you DON'T want to do, if you want to get her back.
1. DON'T MAKE THE 50+ phone calls that your emotions are urging you to do. (And that means no texting, emails, etc.)
First of all, you look desperate and that is not attractive to a woman who wants a man who will make her feel secure. That probably sounds odd, since she is probably the one who left you, if you're reading this article.
I know...this is tough: I'm asking you to make her feel secure when the rug has just been pulled out from under you. I'm telling you this because I want you to get her back. And this is just the reality.
But this is very important: she is most likely going to be insecure about her decision for a while. This is the period when she is going to be most open to changing her mind.....that is, if you play your cards right.
If it's too soon after the break up: chasing after her with phone calls, text messages and emails will not be productive...even if she does talk to you. Do you want her talking to you out of guilt? Because she feels sorry for you? Or a few weeks from now when she misses you?
The whole idea for winning your ex girl back, is to pave the way.....so it's easier for her to come back to you. Trying to "convince" or "persuade" her to come back usually backfires, even if it looks like it's working at first.
She needs to choose freely to come back. But there are actions that you take that can push her farther away or draw her closer to you.
Most women don't leave until they have given up on being loved and appreciated by their guy. If she sees little glimmers of hope here and there, she will see possibilities for that love and appreciation. Almost no one wants their relationship to have to end; it ends because they see no hope: they've given up.
AND
2. FORGET THE FAMOUS DRIVE-BY. That's where you drive by her house to see if she's there. So the question is.....is it better if she is home or if she is not home? If you've already done it, don't worry...just don't do it anymore.
You might feel a little better that she is home, but if she is home...why doesn't she pick up the phone? (Wait a minute-you're not supposed to be calling) If her car is not there, then you will start imagining where she might be. If the goal of the drive-by is to make you feel better - does it seem like it works?
And the worst news would be that she sees you 'checking up on her.'
The bottom line is that you're not going to get your ex back through persuasion, guilt or control. The best way to net a girl back is to give her the space to come toward you again.
Gloria Waite is a an expert on love relationships, who gives no-nonsense love advice to men at winning back the ex. People, who know Gloria, credit her success to 25+ years of experience as psychologist and her natural gift for 'getting it' right away and coming up with practical advice and solutions.
Sign Up for your at free mini-course here.
"Sometimes you just need a little extra help."
1. DON'T MAKE THE 50+ phone calls that your emotions are urging you to do. (And that means no texting, emails, etc.)
First of all, you look desperate and that is not attractive to a woman who wants a man who will make her feel secure. That probably sounds odd, since she is probably the one who left you, if you're reading this article.
I know...this is tough: I'm asking you to make her feel secure when the rug has just been pulled out from under you. I'm telling you this because I want you to get her back. And this is just the reality.
But this is very important: she is most likely going to be insecure about her decision for a while. This is the period when she is going to be most open to changing her mind.....that is, if you play your cards right.
If it's too soon after the break up: chasing after her with phone calls, text messages and emails will not be productive...even if she does talk to you. Do you want her talking to you out of guilt? Because she feels sorry for you? Or a few weeks from now when she misses you?
The whole idea for winning your ex girl back, is to pave the way.....so it's easier for her to come back to you. Trying to "convince" or "persuade" her to come back usually backfires, even if it looks like it's working at first.
She needs to choose freely to come back. But there are actions that you take that can push her farther away or draw her closer to you.
Most women don't leave until they have given up on being loved and appreciated by their guy. If she sees little glimmers of hope here and there, she will see possibilities for that love and appreciation. Almost no one wants their relationship to have to end; it ends because they see no hope: they've given up.
AND
2. FORGET THE FAMOUS DRIVE-BY. That's where you drive by her house to see if she's there. So the question is.....is it better if she is home or if she is not home? If you've already done it, don't worry...just don't do it anymore.
You might feel a little better that she is home, but if she is home...why doesn't she pick up the phone? (Wait a minute-you're not supposed to be calling) If her car is not there, then you will start imagining where she might be. If the goal of the drive-by is to make you feel better - does it seem like it works?
And the worst news would be that she sees you 'checking up on her.'
The bottom line is that you're not going to get your ex back through persuasion, guilt or control. The best way to net a girl back is to give her the space to come toward you again.
Gloria Waite is a an expert on love relationships, who gives no-nonsense love advice to men at winning back the ex. People, who know Gloria, credit her success to 25+ years of experience as psychologist and her natural gift for 'getting it' right away and coming up with practical advice and solutions.
Sign Up for your at free mini-course here.
"Sometimes you just need a little extra help."
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